The Dark Cloud Is Moving

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Photo by Josh Sorenson on Pexels.com

On the depressive side of my life, I still feel under a dark cloud, but I assure you, that It has been getting better as the days go by. Plus don’t worry for me Argentina, because thank God, my depression phases have never escalate to a point where I contemplate suicide. In others words, I just feel down, sad, like shit and everything in between, but it doesn’t go beyond that.

On the good side of my life, today I am proud of myself, because I have been sober for eight straight weekends, something that I haven’t been able to accomplish in the last three years. Actually, the most that I have been sober for during that time, has been five weekends. I have to say, that I really feel good because it’s been a while since I had to deal with all the bullshit that comes after a weekend of binge drinking.

As for my loyal 1.5 readers, I just hope that wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, you are having a good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. Always try to enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nothing or nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Two Months Later

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What up! What up! What up my peeps! Today is Saturday August 18, 2018 and I’m really fucking happy and excited, because I am celebrating my two month sober anniversary. As always, I feel like Tony the fucking tiger… GRRRRREAT! No anxiety, no depression, no hangover, no regrets… I mean nothing! To be honest with my loyal 1.5 readers, this has been the longest that I have been sober for, in the last three years, ever since I fucked up my five years of sobriety. As for celebrating, today I will drink my ass off, yes you read that right… I will be drinking my ass of with ice tea, soda, water and whatever liquid I can get my hands on, that doesn’t contain any alcohol. In other words, I’ll just be chilling like a villain at home.

As for you guys, I just hope that wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, you are having a good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. Always try to enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Feeling Down

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Even though I work from Monday through Friday and I get up at around 4:00 am to get ready to head on out to the salt mines (work). There are days that I just don’t want to have any type of human interaction. I feel like throwing my hand up in the air and just saying… FUCK IT! But the reality of it all is, that life doesn’t work like that. Plus if I don’t show up for work, I won’t get paid and if I don’t get paid, then the bills won’t get paid.

To be honest with my loyal 1.5 readers, for the past couple of days, I can honestly say that I have been feeling like shit. Yes, yes, yes! Rather than using the “D word”, I used shit. What’s the D word you asked? Depression! Instead of saying that I am depressed, I like to say that I feel down or that I feel like shit. The thing is, that I felt it coming on Tuesday morning when I was in the train, on my way to the salt mines. As usual, I can’t explain why the fuck I feel like this, since I take my anti depression crazy med every day. But for some weird and unexplained reason, this shit keeps happening to me every once in a while. I guess I’ll just have to ride it out. Fingers crossed.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Escaping From AA

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To be honest with my loyal 1.5 readers, I have to say, that I haven’t been to an AA meeting in weeks already. I do have to say, that I really don’t miss it. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to meet and hangout with people who have a drinking problem like me, but I know that I can go without it. Hey look, I stayed sober for five years, without going to an AA meeting and I can assure you, that I fucked up my sobriety, because I wanted to fuck it up, not because I didn’t go to AA meetings.

One of the many things that I don’t like about AA is, that they keep telling members, that without AA, they will go back to their old ways. Which I personally think it’s just plain and simple bullshit. I hate it, when I’m told that without something, I am nothing. Well, at least that’s the way that I see it. I really don’t mind going to meetings once in a while, but I really don’t see myself turning it into a daily or even weekly habit. I really do like to listen to the old stories the members share with the group. It’s just that I really can’t see myself not being able to stay away from drinking, if I don’t attend AA meetings. I think, that if I can’t do it without AA, then I’m just replacing one addiction with another.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

I’d Rather Be Alone

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About a week ago, an older gentleman, neighbor and also friend of ours, had a mini stroke while playing dominoes with friends in front of our building. When my wife saw him passing out, she was able to act fast and get a hold of him, before he hit the ground. I wasn’t there, but my wife told me, that there were many people around when it happened. When he came to, he stated that he just got dizzy and that there was nothing wrong with him. He was eventually taken to the emergency room, then he was admitted to the hospital for a couple of days and that’s when they found out about the mini stroke.

Then a couple of days ago, my wife told me, that the day that our friend had the mini stroke, someone took a picture of him while he was passed out and they were waiting for an ambulance to arrive, and texted it to his wife, who was on vacation in The Dominican Republic, stating that her husband was passed out drunk. Whoever did that, knows him and his wife pretty well, in order to have her cell phone number handy. I mean, I’ve known him for around thirty years, since I was dating my wife and yet I don’t even have his home phone number. The whole thing is, that some people might feel bad because I’m a loner, but the truth of the matter is, that if I’m not with my family and that includes my dog too, I’d rather be alone than in bad company. Hey look, being a loner is not bad at all, I really enjoy it because I have time to think and be creative.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Eight Sober Weekends

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Just in case you didn’t know or as I’m sure… you just don’t give a flying fuck… today is Monday August 13, 2018 and it marks one month and twenty-six days of my sobriety or fifty-six days in total. But since I’m a weekend binge drinker or a weekend warrior and I just love to count weekends, I have been sober for eight straight weekends. Woo-Hoo! Has it been easy? To be honest with you, at first it was a fucking hell, because I would see family members and friends drinking alcohol and having fun… and then there was me. Sitting around, trying to make it look as if I was happy and enjoying every minute of it, when in reality, I felt like shit, because I knew that I couldn’t drink at all.

Do I miss drinking alcohol? Well I’m not going to sit here and lie my ass off as I write this post. At the beginning I sure did, and I mean a lot. But eight weekends later, I can say that I haven’t been having any stinking thinking. Just last weekend, I hanged out with a few of my co-workers for six hours. It really didn’t bother me that some of them were drinking. As a matter of fact, I felt that time flew pretty quickly. I guess that what I’m trying to say is, that as time goes by, my urges to drink are starting to disappear. I know that I will have my good days and my bad days, but I can’t let that shit stop me from staying sober.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

You Are Not Talking To Me? Good!

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First things first y’all! Today is Sunday August 12, 2018 and it means that I have been sober for one month and twenty-five days or rather yet, fifty-five days. As always, I feel like Tony the fucking tiger… GRRRRREAT! No anxiety, no depression, no hangover, no regrets… I mean nothing! I just hope that wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, you are having a good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. Always try to enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens.

On a not talking to me note! Throughout my life, I’ve had many people who have stopped talking to me for some stupid reason or for no reason at all. Do you know what’s funny about that? That I never gave a fuck about it! The thing with me is, that I will never force anyone to be my friend or let alone, talk to me. As a matter of fact, if for whatever stupid reason a person stops talking to me, the way that I look at it is, that the person is actually doing me a big motherfucking favor. Why? Because that will be one less person, that will ask me for a favor. Yes, you read that right… since the person won’t talk to me, he/she won’t be able to ask me for a favor if they need me. The truth of the matter is, that I have bigger and more important problems to worry about in my life.. Like for example, when is the next time that I will be taking a shit? That right there, is more important to me, than worrying about why some dumb stupid asshole, doesn’t want to talk to me.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!