The Dark Cloud Is Moving

beach clouds dark dark clouds
Photo by Josh Sorenson on Pexels.com

On the depressive side of my life, I still feel under a dark cloud, but I assure you, that It has been getting better as the days go by. Plus don’t worry for me Argentina, because thank God, my depression phases have never escalate to a point where I contemplate suicide. In others words, I just feel down, sad, like shit and everything in between, but it doesn’t go beyond that.

On the good side of my life, today I am proud of myself, because I have been sober for eight straight weekends, something that I haven’t been able to accomplish in the last three years. Actually, the most that I have been sober for during that time, has been five weekends. I have to say, that I really feel good because it’s been a while since I had to deal with all the bullshit that comes after a weekend of binge drinking.

As for my loyal 1.5 readers, I just hope that wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, you are having a good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. Always try to enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nothing or nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Two Months Later

TTV - Two Months Later - 1.jpg

What up! What up! What up my peeps! Today is Saturday August 18, 2018 and I’m really fucking happy and excited, because I am celebrating my two month sober anniversary. As always, I feel like Tony the fucking tiger… GRRRRREAT! No anxiety, no depression, no hangover, no regrets… I mean nothing! To be honest with my loyal 1.5 readers, this has been the longest that I have been sober for, in the last three years, ever since I fucked up my five years of sobriety. As for celebrating, today I will drink my ass off, yes you read that right… I will be drinking my ass of with ice tea, soda, water and whatever liquid I can get my hands on, that doesn’t contain any alcohol. In other words, I’ll just be chilling like a villain at home.

As for you guys, I just hope that wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, you are having a good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. Always try to enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Escaping From AA

TTV - AA - 1

To be honest with my loyal 1.5 readers, I have to say, that I haven’t been to an AA meeting in weeks already. I do have to say, that I really don’t miss it. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to meet and hangout with people who have a drinking problem like me, but I know that I can go without it. Hey look, I stayed sober for five years, without going to an AA meeting and I can assure you, that I fucked up my sobriety, because I wanted to fuck it up, not because I didn’t go to AA meetings.

One of the many things that I don’t like about AA is, that they keep telling members, that without AA, they will go back to their old ways. Which I personally think it’s just plain and simple bullshit. I hate it, when I’m told that without something, I am nothing. Well, at least that’s the way that I see it. I really don’t mind going to meetings once in a while, but I really don’t see myself turning it into a daily or even weekly habit. I really do like to listen to the old stories the members share with the group. It’s just that I really can’t see myself not being able to stay away from drinking, if I don’t attend AA meetings. I think, that if I can’t do it without AA, then I’m just replacing one addiction with another.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Eight Sober Weekends

TTV  - Sobriety Test - 1.png

Just in case you didn’t know or as I’m sure… you just don’t give a flying fuck… today is Monday August 13, 2018 and it marks one month and twenty-six days of my sobriety or fifty-six days in total. But since I’m a weekend binge drinker or a weekend warrior and I just love to count weekends, I have been sober for eight straight weekends. Woo-Hoo! Has it been easy? To be honest with you, at first it was a fucking hell, because I would see family members and friends drinking alcohol and having fun… and then there was me. Sitting around, trying to make it look as if I was happy and enjoying every minute of it, when in reality, I felt like shit, because I knew that I couldn’t drink at all.

Do I miss drinking alcohol? Well I’m not going to sit here and lie my ass off as I write this post. At the beginning I sure did, and I mean a lot. But eight weekends later, I can say that I haven’t been having any stinking thinking. Just last weekend, I hanged out with a few of my co-workers for six hours. It really didn’t bother me that some of them were drinking. As a matter of fact, I felt that time flew pretty quickly. I guess that what I’m trying to say is, that as time goes by, my urges to drink are starting to disappear. I know that I will have my good days and my bad days, but I can’t let that shit stop me from staying sober.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Rethinking AA

black and white man young lonely
Photo by jim jackson on Pexels.com

What up! What up! What up y’all! Today is Saturday July 28, 2018 and it marks my 40th sober day and as always, I feel like Tony the fucking tiger… GRRRRREAT! No anxiety, no depression, no hangover, no regrets… I mean nothing! I just hope that wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, you are having a good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. Always try to enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens.

On a rethinking AA note! Even though a couple of weeks ago, I said that after many years of absence, I would give AA a second chance. But to be honest with you, I’ve been having second thoughts about that. You see, the thing with me is, that I keep listening to members who share their stories about how alcohol affected their lives. What I can’t understand is, that they have been sober for five, ten and even over twenty years now, but yet they keep re-living their past, and I have a problem with that. My thing is, that even after all my fuck ups during my drinking career, I do feel bad, but I want to… better yet… I have to move on. I can’t stay stuck in the past like those AA members. My shrink knows about this, because I have been telling him about it for many years. The thing is, that I have come to accept and understand, that I need people in my life, who want to move on, not stay stuck in the past.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Other People’s Pain

close up finger hurt pain
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

What up! What up! What up my peeps! Today is Friday July 27, 2018 and it means that I have been sober for 39 days. WOO! HOO! As always, I feel like Tony the fucking tiger… GRRRRREAT! No anxiety, no depression, no hangover, no regrets… I mean nothing! I just hope that wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, you are having a good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. Always try to enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens.

On a pain note! Not for nothing and trust me, I’m not trying to be an asshole or a dick here. But the truth of the matter is, that every time that I get sober, I really enjoy looking at drunk pictures and videos posted on social networking sites by people who I know. Don’t get me wrong now… I don’t feel schadenfreude or view them to make fun of them or feel better about myself, but as a way to reinforce my sobriety. You see, some of those people, drink every other day and might have a drinking problem, but I’m nobody or in no position to judge them. But looking at them drinking, makes me think of my drinking history. As a matter of fact, it’s like looking at my own reflection in a mirror. I didn’t go out partying like them, but drunk is drunk, and it’s all the same shit.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

ONE SOBER MONTH!

20180716_1029251007684027231963425.jpg

What up! What up! What up y’all! Today is Wednesday July 18, 2018 and it marks my 30th sober day, which only means one thing… I HAVE BEEN SOBER FOR ONE WHOLE FUCKING MONTH Y’ALL! I just hope that wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, you are having a good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. Always try to enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens.

On a sober month note! I have to say, that even though I’ve been sober for one month before, this time is different, because I’m not planning on going back to drinking like I did before. This time I have the support of my family and friends. As a matter of fact, my wife and daughter have told everyone that visits us, that alcohol is not allowed in our home… which is good, because temptation is a motherfucker. Even when we go out, my wife doesn’t drink, because she respects and support me on my struggle with alcohol. But as to being sober for so long, it really feels fucking great. I don’t feel anxious, depressed, sick, remorseful or plain and simply put, like shit. As you might have seen on my previous posts, I have been enjoying my weekends to the fullest without being sick to my stomach. The thing about being sober is, that alcohol is not keeping me isolated and away from places that I’ve been wanting to visit for years. I have been able to go out and enjoy places, that I haven’t been able to, because I was too busy drinking my time and life away. I’m not going to lie, I had my share of urges to drink, but I never gave in on them. Since I only like drinking on the weekends, I’m taking it one weekend at a time. No more, no less.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!