Thinking About My Dead Father

TTV - Dead Father - 1

First things first my peeps! Today is Wednesday September 12, 2018 and it means that I have been sober for two months and twenty-five days or rather yet, a total of eighty-six days. As always, I feel like Tony the tiger… GRRRRREAT!

On a father note! For some weird reason, this morning I woke up thinking about my dead father. You see, one day when I was around eleven or twelve years old, while no one was home, my father packed his clothes up and just walked out of our lives. For twelve years, we didn’t know if he was dead or alive or where he was. One day, the same way that he disappeared from our lives, he reappeared. That was when I was around twenty-four years old. As a matter of fact, I went to meet him with a couple of my sisters, only because my mother asked me to multiple times, not because I wanted to see him at all. The funniest thing is, that he introduced himself to me as a stranger would, not knowing that out of nine children that my mother had with my him, I was his youngest one and his only boy. For a while, I blame him for anything and everything went wrong in my life. But after a while, I started to credit him for the type of man and human being that I turned out to be… because I always promised myself, that I will not be like him. The one thing that I can say is, that no matter what happened to my family and no matter what we went through without of him… I didn’t turn out to be a bad son, brother, husband and father after all. That’s why I have to thank all the people who were involved in my life as I grew up and became a man, specially all the women. I have to say, that this morning has been truly strange and weird to say the least. I really don’t know what to make of it.

As for my loyal five to ten readers, I just hope that wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, you are having a good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. Always try to enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nothing or nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

I Was Not My Father’s Son

photo of man carrying baby
Photo by Alex Smith on Pexels.com

First things first my peeps! Today is Thursday July 12, 2018 and it marks my 25th sober day and as always, I feel like Tony the fucking tiger… GRRRRREAT! I just hope that wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, you are having a good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. Always try to enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens.

On a hating my father note! When I was around eleven or twelve years old, one day, while nobody was at home, my father picked up his things and left the family without telling anyone where he was going, he even took all the money. To be honest with you, after a while, I learned not to care about him. I just forgot that I ever had a father. For around the next twelve years or so, my family didn’t know if he was dead or alive. I have to say, that without him, we did go through a lot of shit, but we did survive. The thing is, that I used to blame him for everything that went wrong in my life… and so I hated him with a passion. When he died in the year 2000, he left all of his children one thousand dollars each. But since I didn’t want anything to do with him, I gave my share to my kids. I remember that I only bought myself a case of beer, to get drunk and celebrate that he was gone. For many, many, many years, I blamed him for all the shit that I went through in life. Until one day, I woke up and realize, that my father wasn’t at fault for everything that I have gone through. I was to blame. I had to change… and change I did, because I didn’t want to be like him.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!