Bloody Shit Batman!

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Everybody knows, that there’s no such thing as the perfect life, and as I like to say, my blogging style is just to be honest, not to portray some bullshit fairy tale life full of lies. With that said, yesterday while at the salt mine, I got a little scared, so I decided to leave at noon to see my GP Dr. O. Why? Because yesterday I saw blood with my stool, twice. Not in it, but separate from it. The thing is, that this is not the first time that this happened to me. You see, in the last month or month an a half, it already happened around four or five other times, but there was more blood back then. But after some Googling around, I found out that the bleeding could be caused by many problems.

To make a long story short, Dr. O checked me, found some blood, told me that my prostate was fine and gave me a referral to have a colonoscopy done in order to find the root of the bleeding. Unlike other men, I was planning on getting a colonoscopy when I hit 50 next October, because it is better to be safe than sorry, but this can’t wait. The doc did tell me that as far as he could tell, and trust me, he did go far, LMAO, it could just be internal hemorrhoids. But we agreed, that we have to be 100% sure about it, before we can proceed. So I have to schedule an appointment and then take it from there. Don’t worry my loyal 1.5 reader, I’ll keep you posted.

Also, true story. My lovely wife was by my side at all times, because she was really worried that it was cancer. But she did tell me, that she didn’t understand how the hell I could have a sense of humor at that time and make anal jokes and losing my anal virginity jokes, right in front of my doctor, before he went in. I told her, that we only live once and we have to enjoy it. We can’t go crazy over every little thing that happens to us.

Oh one last thing! No matter what you are thinking right now, I will not be sharing my colonoscopy pictures or videos with you, because it takes a couple of dates, dinner and a lot of alcohol for you to get to know me inside out. LMFAO!

With that said! I’m Audi 5000 y’all!


Paying Money To Feel Like Shit

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Yesterday I was talking with one of my coworkers at the salt mine and he told me that on Friday, he went to a bar with some friends and had a couple of drinks, but felt like shit on Saturday. It was funny, because I told him about Friday evening drinking and how I felt the same way on Saturday. I did tell him, that I have spoken with a couple of my friends and they told me the same thing that I have been suspecting for a while now. That as we are getting older, we might drink less alcohol, but the hangovers are just getting fucking worst. He agreed with me and told me that the reality of it all is, that we don’t need alcohol. Plus, the weekends that we do drink, we don’t get enough rest and feel tired on Monday morning at the salt mine.

I also told him, that my plan for Christmas eve is just to have dinner and chill at home. No alcohol for me. The way that I’m looking at drinking right now is, that I am actually paying money, so I can feel like shit the next day. To be honest with you, that shit is really not making any sense to me anymore. I’m not saying that I will never drink again in my life, but right now, just like I did up to Thanksgiving weekend, I could go for another five months without it.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

The Hangover Part ???

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OK my homies and homettes, on a drinking note, this past Friday my wife told me that if I mopped the floor, I could have two six packs of beer, so I took her up on the offer. I have to say, I did enjoyed the beers while listening to some old school music, but that wasn’t all there was.

If you know me, I get right to the point here. The entire Saturday, I felt like shit. Yes, like shit. I kept asking myself. Why the fuck did I do it? Why the fuck did I put myself through that shit again? To be honest with you, the only answer was, that I’m a mother fucking hard head. The one thing that I sure didn’t do, was binge. But while shopping with my wife, I did tell her that I regretted even having the first beer on Friday evening. She did tell me that the hangover is the number reason why she stays away from alcohol. Another thing that I told my wife was, that my plan to have a couple of beers on Christmas eve have changed, because I really don’t want to feel like shit the next day. The way that I’m looking at it is, that I’m just going to have dinner and chill at home. No drinking for me for a while. The way that I see is, that the older I get, the less I can tolerate a hangover. Which I think is a good thing.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Are My Adult Children OK?

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What up! What up! What up my homies and homettes! On a worried parent note! From time to time my wife makes me text or call our two adult children, because we haven’t seen them or heard from them for a while. The shit that really gets to me is, that 99.999% of the times, they think that we just want to know where they are and what they are doing. Hey look, I love them both to death, but to be honest with you and not for nothing, but I really don’t give a shit what they are doing or who they are doing it with. My daughter is 28 and my son is 24 and trust me, they know exactly what’s good and what’s bad and what’s right and what’s wrong. They also know the consequences of fucking up.

Because of my OCD, I naturally worry like crazy about them, even about my wife walking around the corner to the grocery store. But after years of talk therapy and crazy meds, not only am I not listening or believing my OCD as much as I used to, but I have also learned to let go. My wife? Well that’s another story, but I know exactly where she’s coming from, because my mother was just like her, when I was a teenager. I guess that the same way that I did, once they have their own kids, they’ll understand why my wife and I acted the way that we did.

As always, wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. I hope that you are enjoying it or have enjoyed it to the fullest.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

I’ve Been Pussy Whipped And I’m Loving It!

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What up! What up! What up my homies and homettes! On a pussy whipped note! The other day, my wife called me to let me know, that since our daughter and son usually go hangout with their friends after Christmas eve dinner, we will be heading on out to the local casino, with her mother and stepfather. I really didn’t want to go, because I don’t find any fun in gambling. But she did mentioned that I could enjoy the live entertainment, which I like because of the old school music, and she mentioned that I could have a couple of beers while I’m there. If you personally knew me, you would know that she didn’t have to say anything else after beers.

My point is, that some super-duper macho men with over inflated egos, might say that I have been pussy whipped, but that’s not the case at all. You see, since I don’t drink on a daily basis, my wife doesn’t mind me drinking on weekends since I’m off from the salt mine and I always do it at home, she just hates my binging. So what she’s telling me is, that it is OK for me to have a couple of beers on special occasions, but not every weekend. So if my wife taking care of me is being pussy whipped, then I guess I am, AND I’M LOVING IT! Whaahh-psssh!

As always, wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. I hope that you are enjoying it or have enjoyed it to the fullest.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

I’m Too Sexy For My…

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What up! What up! What up my homies and homettes! On a sexy note! I personally know a couple of ladies who have fake butts. But wait a minute Tony! Since you are a happily married man, how do you know this shit without touching? 1) Because I know how they looked before the procedure and 2) When they came back from a so-called “vacation to The Dominican Republic”, they magically had bigger butts. Why “The Dominican Republic”? Because my country is one of many well-known countries, where a lot of women go to for cheap cosmetic surgeries. But many have died from something as simple as a tummy tuck.

You see, my wife suffers from type 1 diabetes, asthma and other health issues, and has mentioned to me a couple of times, that she would like get breast implants, because after having two kids blah, blah, blah, blah… you know the story. My question to her has always been. Have I ever complained about your breasts or any part of your body? Her answer has always been NO! After thatI always tell her, that before I complain about her body, I should take a good look at my body first. Specially my big fat belly, which I love showing to her and our daughter, when I perform my belly dance for them. OK! They really hate it when I do that. But I still do it anyway!

My point is, that I just can’t understand why some women chose to change their appearance, in order to please others. The one thing that I have to say is, that the few surgical procedures that I ever had in my entire life, like the vertical sleeve gastrectomy, have been for health reasons, not to look good for nobody, specially society.

As always, wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. I hope that you are enjoying it or have enjoyed it to the fullest.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!


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What up! What up! What up my homies and homettes! On a look at me note! Don’t get me wrong now, I still use social media from time to time. But each day I use it less and less, because they are all the same shit, but each with a different smell. The thing is, that these days, most of the users are into the “look at me” bullshit mentality, which irritates the living shit out of me. Is like everyone that never got attention from their parents, family, friends and teachers, decided to congregate online and cry for attention, all at the same fucking time. I just keep asking myself, WHY?

Hey look, I’m the youngest and the only male out of seven children and trust me, I I’ve always hated being put on the spot or being the center of attention with family, friends, school or even at work. Till this day, I haven’t changed a bit. Experts and shrinks can come up with all the fancy studies, explanations and names they want to, I really don’t give a shit. I just call them as I see them, those people are complete assholes. I know what you’re probably thinking about me and this here blog of mine right about now. But that’s not the reason why I have this crazy, insane and boring blog. Trust me, I just use it to get my crazy Bipolar and OCD thoughts out of my crazy mind and on to something… just like this post, not for attention.

As always, wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. I hope that you are enjoying it or have enjoyed it to the fullest.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!