Cutting Back

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

What up! What up! What up my homies and homettes! On a cutting back note! As for having a great weekend, I really can’t complaint for shit. Since I didn’t have any cold ones this past weekend, I felt like a million dollars. As usual, on Saturday afternoon, I went out with my wife and daughter and took care of a couple of things, then the rest of the weekend, I was just chilling like a villain at home.

I gotta tell you, it really feels fucking good to wake up in the morning with no damn hangover. The last time that I drank a couple of cold ones was on December 8. I’m not saying that I’m not drinking never, ever, ever again, I’m just cutting back. I’m just hating feeling like shit the next day. I mean, once in a while I can have a couple of beers with family and friends, but not every fucking weekend like I used to do. Hey! I have to give my liver some time to recoup.

As always, wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. I hope that you are enjoying it or have enjoyed it to the fullest.

With that said! I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

No Talk About Suicide Today

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I find it really fucked up, how some so-called mental health professionals and the mainstream media, only want to talk about or even mention suicide, when a celebrity tries to commit or commits suicide. Other than that, it’s just business as usual. It fucking bothers me, because the so-called professionals just want their fucking 15 minutes of fame and the mainstream media want higher fucking ratings, visitors or clicks.

Three very close people in my life tried to commit suicide… and one succeeded, that was my best friend. But you don’t hear nothing about the everyday person suffering from mental health, because it doesn’t matter to them. Once a celebrity makes public “his/her struggles with mental health”, then and only then, everybody wants to talk about it. Once a celebrity commits suicide, then and only then everybody wants to talk about it. I don’t fucking get it! WHY THE FUCK DOES IT HAS TO BE LIKE THAT!? Why don’t they talk about mental health and suicide everyday!? Aren’t we here!? Aren’t we suffering!? Don’t we count!?

With that said! I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

Taking A Chill Pill

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Photo by Pietro Jeng on Pexels.com

OK, so I am happy to let my loyal 1.5 readers know, that this past Friday and Saturday, I didn’t drink any alcohol at all. Why? Because I’m tired of feeling like shit the next day. To be honest with you, I have been thinking about it for a while now, but like the crazy motherfucker that I am, I kept drinking on the weekends, usually because I didn’t have shit to do when I got home on Friday and Saturday evenings.

My wife and I have been talking about our February vacation to The Dominican Republic. But I have to say, that every time we go there, I get fucked up almost on a daily basis, but this time I’m planning on taking a chill pill on the drinking and enjoying the time away from the salt mine and the New York City cold weather, by visiting different places and taking lots of pictures. My wife has a lot of family back home, but I only have an elderly maternal aunt and uncle left, after they are gone, that’s it for my mother’s side of my family. I still have one aunt left from my father’s side, and she lives around the corner from me, but I never had any type of relationship with her. Well, that’s a long story that I will have to share with a future post.

With that said! I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

My OCD: Ordering & Arranging

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If you look at the picture that I provided with this post, it exactly depicts the way that I look at things around me. To regular people, when they look at the top portion of the picture, they just see a couple of eggs in a carton. But to my OCD brain, they are exactly 9 eggs, that are not in order and should be. So that really gets me fucking anxious, even as I write this post, I just want to reach into the picture and put them in order.

Then, when regular people look at the bottom portion of the picture, again! they will just see some eggs in a carton. But to my OCD brain, they are exactly 9 eggs, but this time, they are in order, the way that they should have been in the first place. You see, in my OCD world, everything has to be arranged in order, so it can make sense to me. If not, all that I see is chaos, which makes me anxious, because I feel the need to arrange everything in order, so it can make sense to me.

Right now I have been on and off crazy meds for at least 12 years. But I still remember the time when my ordering and arranging drove me fucking crazy. Don’t get me wrong, I still do it from time to time, but most of the times, I can give a rat’s ass and walk away. You see, my brain works different from someone who doesn’t suffers from OCD and I know it. The trick is, for me not to get stuck on stupid shit, like a broken record, to ignore them and keep on moving. I know it’s easier said that done, but you have to keep in mind, that I have been dealing with OCD my entire life, but got psychiatric help for the first time, when I was in my mid 30’s. It hasn’t been easy, but I have learned to live with it.

With that said! I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

My OCD: Compulsive Counting

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One thing that I would like to make clear here is, that I’m not a professional on anything, including OCD. But being that I have suffered from it my entire life, I can teach some people a thing or two about my OCD, so here I go. As far back as I can remember, I have suffered from OCD, it’s just that back in the 70’s and 80’s, nobody talked about it, plus I have always been good at hiding it from others. The one thing that I can assure you with 100% certainty about OCD sufferers is, that everybody’s OCD manifests itself in different ways, that’s the reason why I say “MY OCD”.

To be honest with you, I would count and divide anything from floor tiles, wall tiles, drawers in a cabinet, to windows in a building. In my mind, I divide everything in groups, as long as they are divisible by 2 or 3, everything was OK. Just look at the pictures I provided on top, those are floor tiles that I see everyday at work, I know that there are 12 gray tiles, but no matter how many times I see them in a day, the majority of the times, I divide them in my mind, in the different ways shown. It keeps going on and on until I snap out of it. Trust me, my monthly talk therapy sessions and crazy meds have helped me a lot, but there are things that I have to do on my own.

What I’m trying to say is, that only because someone reads something, hears someone or watches a TV series about OCD, don’t mean they know shit about OCD. The best advice that I can give to those people is, that if they really want to learn what living with OCD is like, then ask someone who suffers from it, like me. To be honest with you, I have been open about my mental disorders for many, many years. I really don’t mind educating someone.

With that said! I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

Meanwhile, Back At The Salt Mine

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What up! What up! What up my homies and homettes! On a back to the salt mine note! Yesterday was my first day back to the salt mine since November 21, the last day that I went to work. I really can’t complain for shit, since I thought that it was going be hard, getting back into my routine. I have to say, that the weather was great here in New York city, but I felt even better, because my supervisor was out the entire morning. But still, I had to be on the dreaded phone the entire day, but trust me, it beats being home playing with my balls all day long.

I have to say, that even though sometimes it might get crazy at the salt mine, I still miss it. WHY? Because the schedule changes everyday, and sometimes even at the last-minute. Plus since my mind is busy, it really helps me with my OCD intrusive thoughts and my Bipolar racing thoughts. I just take my crazy meds in the morning, so I can deal with whatever is thrown at me during the day.

As always, wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. I hope that you are enjoying it or have enjoyed it to the fullest.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

They’re Are Ba-ack!

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OK, so this morning, while getting ready to head on out to the salt mine, I realize something that has been sneaking up on me for the past month or month and a half. What is that you ask? My fucking racing thoughts are back! You see, I start thinking about one person and then move on to the next one, and on to the next one, and on to the next one. The same thing happens with ideas and problems. The crazy shit is, that one person, thing or problem, doesn’t have to do shit with the other. In other words, they are not connected or related to one another. I start thinking about one thing, then a couple of minutes later, I realize what is going on and then I try to figure out what was my first thought in the first place, and I can’t remember for shit.

I’m thinking about giving my shrink Dr. C a call later today, about going back on the crazy med Risperidone, which is supposed to help me with my disorganized thinking or trouble organizing my thoughts. I mean, I did tried it before and at the lowest dosage possible, but it still made me feel sleepy and tired in the morning. But to be honest with you, I only tried it for a couple of days, one week tops. So I think that I was just feeling some of the side effects, which usually go away within a week when I start a new crazy med. Well my homies and homettes, I’ll see how that goes down today and I will keep you posted.

As always, wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. I hope that you are enjoying it or have enjoyed it to the fullest.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!