I’m Too Sexy For My…

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What up! What up! What up my homies and homettes! On a sexy note! I personally know a couple of ladies who have fake butts. But wait a minute Tony! Since you are a happily married man, how do you know this shit without touching? 1) Because I know how they looked before the procedure and 2) When they came back from a so-called “vacation to The Dominican Republic”, they magically had bigger butts. Why “The Dominican Republic”? Because my country is one of many well-known countries, where a lot of women go to for cheap cosmetic surgeries. But many have died from something as simple as a tummy tuck.

You see, my wife suffers from type 1 diabetes, asthma and other health issues, and has mentioned to me a couple of times, that she would like get breast implants, because after having two kids blah, blah, blah, blah… you know the story. My question to her has always been. Have I ever complained about your breasts or any part of your body? Her answer has always been NO! After thatI always tell her, that before I complain about her body, I should take a good look at my body first. Specially my big fat belly, which I love showing to her and our daughter, when I perform my belly dance for them. OK! They really hate it when I do that. But I still do it anyway!

My point is, that I just can’t understand why some women chose to change their appearance, in order to please others. The one thing that I have to say is, that the few surgical procedures that I ever had in my entire life, like the vertical sleeve gastrectomy, have been for health reasons, not to look good for nobody, specially society.

As always, wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. I hope that you are enjoying it or have enjoyed it to the fullest.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

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Tony’s Not So Expert Advice

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First things first my hermanos and hermanas from another madre! Wherever you are in this crazy, funny, insane, strange, weird and all put together in an unlabeled bottle, planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. As always, enjoy it to the fullest and do not to let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens. Also, remember to be yourself, but keep in mind, not to be a dick or an asshole to others, because we are already filled to capacity with those and we won’t be able to handle another one.

On a sober note! Today is Saturday November 17, 2018 and that means that I have been sober for four months and thirty days or even better yet, one hundred fifty-two days in total. I have to say, that sobriety has really helped me deal with my anxiety, bipolar II disorder, depression and OCD. I really feel fucking great!

For those of you out there in the blogosphere, AKA my loyal 1.5 readers, who might not know it, my wife and I officially started dating exactly on October 2, 1987 (She has made sure that I never forget that date). Back then she was fifteen and I was seventeen. As a matter of fact, just last month, on October 2, 2018, we celebrated our thirty-first anniversary. Woo-Hoo!

Hey look, to be honest with you, we are proud, happy and still very much in love after all these years. But just like any other young couple, at first we had a lot of ups and downs. But trust me, I don’t regret anything, because as we were getting used to being young parents and living together, we learned a lot about each other.

As you might know by now, I’m no expert, but there are a few things that I can tell young couples, that I wished I was told back in the days, but was not.

  1. Respect each another.
  2. Trust each other.
  3. If something about you is bothering your partner, listen, then fix it.
  4. If something about your partner is bothering you, say something, because humans can’t read minds.
  5. Once is a mistake. Twice is a pattern. Three times is a habit.
  6. Nobody wears the so-called pants in the home.
  7. Regardless of sex and or income, a relationship is 50/50.
  8. It takes two people to procreate babies and also two to take care of them.
  9. Always include your partner in every decision, no matter how meaningless, you might think it is.
  10. If you didn’t understand something that your partner did or say, say something.
  11. Value your partner’s opinion and input, don’t dismiss them, just because.
  12. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes.
  13. Be open-minded.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!