Cutting Back

art blur business close up
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

What up! What up! What up my homies and homettes! On a cutting back note! As for having a great weekend, I really can’t complaint for shit. Since I didn’t have any cold ones this past weekend, I felt like a million dollars. As usual, on Saturday afternoon, I went out with my wife and daughter and took care of a couple of things, then the rest of the weekend, I was just chilling like a villain at home.

I gotta tell you, it really feels fucking good to wake up in the morning with no damn hangover. The last time that I drank a couple of cold ones was on December 8. I’m not saying that I’m not drinking never, ever, ever again, I’m just cutting back. I’m just hating feeling like shit the next day. I mean, once in a while I can have a couple of beers with family and friends, but not every fucking weekend like I used to do. Hey! I have to give my liver some time to recoup.

As always, wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. I hope that you are enjoying it or have enjoyed it to the fullest.

With that said! I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

No Talk About Suicide Today

TTV - Suicide - 1

I find it really fucked up, how some so-called mental health professionals and the mainstream media, only want to talk about or even mention suicide, when a celebrity tries to commit or commits suicide. Other than that, it’s just business as usual. It fucking bothers me, because the so-called professionals just want their fucking 15 minutes of fame and the mainstream media want higher fucking ratings, visitors or clicks.

Three very close people in my life tried to commit suicide… and one succeeded, that was my best friend. But you don’t hear nothing about the everyday person suffering from mental health, because it doesn’t matter to them. Once a celebrity makes public “his/her struggles with mental health”, then and only then, everybody wants to talk about it. Once a celebrity commits suicide, then and only then everybody wants to talk about it. I don’t fucking get it! WHY THE FUCK DOES IT HAS TO BE LIKE THAT!? Why don’t they talk about mental health and suicide everyday!? Aren’t we here!? Aren’t we suffering!? Don’t we count!?

With that said! I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

Taking A Chill Pill

aid baby cure drug
Photo by Pietro Jeng on Pexels.com

OK, so I am happy to let my loyal 1.5 readers know, that this past Friday and Saturday, I didn’t drink any alcohol at all. Why? Because I’m tired of feeling like shit the next day. To be honest with you, I have been thinking about it for a while now, but like the crazy motherfucker that I am, I kept drinking on the weekends, usually because I didn’t have shit to do when I got home on Friday and Saturday evenings.

My wife and I have been talking about our February vacation to The Dominican Republic. But I have to say, that every time we go there, I get fucked up almost on a daily basis, but this time I’m planning on taking a chill pill on the drinking and enjoying the time away from the salt mine and the New York City cold weather, by visiting different places and taking lots of pictures. My wife has a lot of family back home, but I only have an elderly maternal aunt and uncle left, after they are gone, that’s it for my mother’s side of my family. I still have one aunt left from my father’s side, and she lives around the corner from me, but I never had any type of relationship with her. Well, that’s a long story that I will have to share with a future post.

With that said! I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

The Waiting Game

20181214_2301108873011791637718557.jpg

OK, since my GP Dr. O referred me to Dr. R, who’s specialties include colon and rectal surgery, I was able to set up an appointment with him on the first week of January. He is just doing an evaluation in order to get and idea of what’s going on and then we’ll take it from there. I had to schedule the appointment for the first week of January, because I already ran out of vacation days for 2018, so I have to wait until January 1, 2019 for my vacation days to kick in again. Plus if I take it as a sick day from the salt mine, their quacks might not approve it and then I won’t get paid and I will also get written me up.

The important thing right now is, that I haven’t seen any more blood with my stool. I also mentioned to my wife, that since I’m lactose intolerant and I drank regular milk and some alcohol last week, I felt that maybe either one or the two, could have caused the bleeding. Still, no matter what, we have to find out where the blood is coming from and what needs to be done to stop it from happening again in the future. To be honest with you, right now I think it’s no biggie, but I’m still a little bit nervous about what is going to happen. Fingers crossed though.

With that said! I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

My OCD: Ordering & Arranging

TTV - OCD - 2

If you look at the picture that I provided with this post, it exactly depicts the way that I look at things around me. To regular people, when they look at the top portion of the picture, they just see a couple of eggs in a carton. But to my OCD brain, they are exactly 9 eggs, that are not in order and should be. So that really gets me fucking anxious, even as I write this post, I just want to reach into the picture and put them in order.

Then, when regular people look at the bottom portion of the picture, again! they will just see some eggs in a carton. But to my OCD brain, they are exactly 9 eggs, but this time, they are in order, the way that they should have been in the first place. You see, in my OCD world, everything has to be arranged in order, so it can make sense to me. If not, all that I see is chaos, which makes me anxious, because I feel the need to arrange everything in order, so it can make sense to me.

Right now I have been on and off crazy meds for at least 12 years. But I still remember the time when my ordering and arranging drove me fucking crazy. Don’t get me wrong, I still do it from time to time, but most of the times, I can give a rat’s ass and walk away. You see, my brain works different from someone who doesn’t suffers from OCD and I know it. The trick is, for me not to get stuck on stupid shit, like a broken record, to ignore them and keep on moving. I know it’s easier said that done, but you have to keep in mind, that I have been dealing with OCD my entire life, but got psychiatric help for the first time, when I was in my mid 30’s. It hasn’t been easy, but I have learned to live with it.

With that said! I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

My OCD: Compulsive Counting

20181211_075023-picsay-22572662807502225448.jpg20181211_075023-picsay4079729397153178460.jpg20181211_075023-picsay-17956906900050752778.jpg

One thing that I would like to make clear here is, that I’m not a professional on anything, including OCD. But being that I have suffered from it my entire life, I can teach some people a thing or two about my OCD, so here I go. As far back as I can remember, I have suffered from OCD, it’s just that back in the 70’s and 80’s, nobody talked about it, plus I have always been good at hiding it from others. The one thing that I can assure you with 100% certainty about OCD sufferers is, that everybody’s OCD manifests itself in different ways, that’s the reason why I say “MY OCD”.

To be honest with you, I would count and divide anything from floor tiles, wall tiles, drawers in a cabinet, to windows in a building. In my mind, I divide everything in groups, as long as they are divisible by 2 or 3, everything was OK. Just look at the pictures I provided on top, those are floor tiles that I see everyday at work, I know that there are 12 gray tiles, but no matter how many times I see them in a day, the majority of the times, I divide them in my mind, in the different ways shown. It keeps going on and on until I snap out of it. Trust me, my monthly talk therapy sessions and crazy meds have helped me a lot, but there are things that I have to do on my own.

What I’m trying to say is, that only because someone reads something, hears someone or watches a TV series about OCD, don’t mean they know shit about OCD. The best advice that I can give to those people is, that if they really want to learn what living with OCD is like, then ask someone who suffers from it, like me. To be honest with you, I have been open about my mental disorders for many, many years. I really don’t mind educating someone.

With that said! I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

Bloody Shit Batman!

TTV - Batman Sound Words - 1.gif

Everybody knows, that there’s no such thing as the perfect life, and as I like to say, my blogging style is just to be honest, not to portray some bullshit fairy tale life full of lies. With that said, yesterday while at the salt mine, I got a little scared, so I decided to leave at noon to see my GP Dr. O. Why? Because yesterday I saw blood with my stool, twice. Not in it, but separate from it. The thing is, that this is not the first time that this happened to me. You see, in the last month or month an a half, it already happened around four or five other times, but there was more blood back then. But after some Googling around, I found out that the bleeding could be caused by many problems.

To make a long story short, Dr. O performed a rectal examination and found some blood, told me that my prostate was fine and gave me a referral to have a colonoscopy done in order to find the root of the bleeding. Unlike other men, I was planning on getting a colonoscopy when I hit 50 next October, because it is better to be safe than sorry, but this can’t wait. The doctor did tell me that as far as he could tell, and trust me, he did go far, LMAO, it could just be internal hemorrhoids. But we agreed, that we have to be 100% sure about it, before we can proceed. So I have to schedule an appointment and then take it from there. Don’t worry my loyal 1.5 reader, I’ll keep you posted.

Also, true story. My lovely wife was by my side at all times, because she was really worried that it was cancer. But she did tell me, that she just didn’t understand how the hell I could have a sense of humor at that time and make anal jokes and losing my anal virginity jokes, right in front of my doctor, before he performed the rectal examination. I told her, that we only live once and we have to have fun. We can’t go crazy over every little thing that happens to us in life. I was also so very happy that Dr. O didn’t tell me that he lost his wedding ring while performing the examination. LMFAO!

Oh one last thing! No matter what you are thinking right now, I will not be sharing my colonoscopy pictures or videos with you, because it takes a couple of dates, dinner and a lot of alcohol for you to get to know me inside out. LMFAO!

With that said! I’m Audi 5000 y’all!