My OCD: Ordering & Arranging

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If you look at the picture that I provided with this post, it exactly depicts the way that I look at things around me. To regular people, when they look at the top portion of the picture, they just see a couple of eggs in a carton. But to my OCD brain, they are exactly 9 eggs, that are not in order and should be. So that really gets me fucking anxious, even as I write this post, I just want to reach into the picture and put them in order.

Then, when regular people look at the bottom portion of the picture, again! they will just see some eggs in a carton. But to my OCD brain, they are exactly 9 eggs, but this time, they are in order, the way that they should have been in the first place. You see, in my OCD world, everything has to be arranged in order, so it can make sense to me. If not, all that I see is chaos, which makes me anxious, because I feel the need to arrange everything in order, so it can make sense to me.

Right now I have been on and off crazy meds for at least 12 years. But I still remember the time when my ordering and arranging drove me fucking crazy. Don’t get me wrong, I still do it from time to time, but most of the times, I can give a rat’s ass and walk away. You see, my brain works different from someone who doesn’t suffers from OCD and I know it. The trick is, for me not to get stuck on stupid shit, like a broken record, to ignore them and keep on moving. I know it’s easier said that done, but you have to keep in mind, that I have been dealing with OCD my entire life, but got psychiatric help for the first time, when I was in my mid 30’s. It hasn’t been easy, but I have learned to live with it.

With that said! I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

My OCD: Compulsive Counting

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One thing that I would like to make clear here is, that I’m not a professional on anything, including OCD. But being that I have suffered from it my entire life, I can teach some people a thing or two about my OCD, so here I go. As far back as I can remember, I have suffered from OCD, it’s just that back in the 70’s and 80’s, nobody talked about it, plus I have always been good at hiding it from others. The one thing that I can assure you with 100% certainty about OCD sufferers is, that everybody’s OCD manifests itself in different ways, that’s the reason why I say “MY OCD”.

To be honest with you, I would count and divide anything from floor tiles, wall tiles, drawers in a cabinet, to windows in a building. In my mind, I divide everything in groups, as long as they are divisible by 2 or 3, everything was OK. Just look at the pictures I provided on top, those are floor tiles that I see everyday at work, I know that there are 12 gray tiles, but no matter how many times I see them in a day, the majority of the times, I divide them in my mind, in the different ways shown. It keeps going on and on until I snap out of it. Trust me, my monthly talk therapy sessions and crazy meds have helped me a lot, but there are things that I have to do on my own.

What I’m trying to say is, that only because someone reads something, hears someone or watches a TV series about OCD, don’t mean they know shit about OCD. The best advice that I can give to those people is, that if they really want to learn what living with OCD is like, then ask someone who suffers from it, like me. To be honest with you, I have been open about my mental disorders for many, many years. I really don’t mind educating someone.

With that said! I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

Bloody Shit Batman!

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Everybody knows, that there’s no such thing as the perfect life, and as I like to say, my blogging style is just to be honest, not to portray some bullshit fairy tale life full of lies. With that said, yesterday while at the salt mine, I got a little scared, so I decided to leave at noon to see my GP Dr. O. Why? Because yesterday I saw blood with my stool, twice. Not in it, but separate from it. The thing is, that this is not the first time that this happened to me. You see, in the last month or month an a half, it already happened around four or five other times, but there was more blood back then. But after some Googling around, I found out that the bleeding could be caused by many problems.

To make a long story short, Dr. O performed a rectal examination and found some blood, told me that my prostate was fine and gave me a referral to have a colonoscopy done in order to find the root of the bleeding. Unlike other men, I was planning on getting a colonoscopy when I hit 50 next October, because it is better to be safe than sorry, but this can’t wait. The doctor did tell me that as far as he could tell, and trust me, he did go far, LMAO, it could just be internal hemorrhoids. But we agreed, that we have to be 100% sure about it, before we can proceed. So I have to schedule an appointment and then take it from there. Don’t worry my loyal 1.5 reader, I’ll keep you posted.

Also, true story. My lovely wife was by my side at all times, because she was really worried that it was cancer. But she did tell me, that she just didn’t understand how the hell I could have a sense of humor at that time and make anal jokes and losing my anal virginity jokes, right in front of my doctor, before he performed the rectal examination. I told her, that we only live once and we have to have fun. We can’t go crazy over every little thing that happens to us in life. I was also so very happy that Dr. O didn’t tell me that he lost his wedding ring while performing the examination. LMFAO!

Oh one last thing! No matter what you are thinking right now, I will not be sharing my colonoscopy pictures or videos with you, because it takes a couple of dates, dinner and a lot of alcohol for you to get to know me inside out. LMFAO!

With that said! I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

Paying Money To Feel Like Shit

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Yesterday I was talking with one of my coworkers at the salt mine and he told me that on Friday, he went to a bar with some friends and had a couple of drinks, but felt like shit on Saturday. It was funny, because I told him about Friday evening drinking and how I felt the same way on Saturday. I did tell him, that I have spoken with a couple of my friends and they told me the same thing that I have been suspecting for a while now. That as we are getting older, we might drink less alcohol, but the hangovers are just getting fucking worst. He agreed with me and told me that the reality of it all is, that we don’t need alcohol. Plus, the weekends that we do drink, we don’t get enough rest and feel tired on Monday morning at the salt mine.

I also told him, that my plan for Christmas eve is just to have dinner and chill at home. No alcohol for me. The way that I’m looking at drinking right now is, that I am actually paying money, so I can feel like shit the next day. To be honest with you, that shit is really not making any sense to me anymore. I’m not saying that I will never drink again in my life, but right now, just like I did up to Thanksgiving weekend, I could go for another five months without it.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

The Hangover Part ???

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OK my homies and homettes, on a drinking note, this past Friday my wife told me that if I mopped the floor, I could have two six packs of beer, so I took her up on the offer. I have to say, I did enjoyed the beers while listening to some old school music, but that wasn’t all there was.

If you know me, I get right to the point here. The entire Saturday, I felt like shit. Yes, like shit. I kept asking myself. Why the fuck did I do it? Why the fuck did I put myself through that shit again? To be honest with you, the only answer was, that I’m a mother fucking hard head. The one thing that I sure didn’t do, was binge. But while shopping with my wife, I did tell her that I regretted even having the first beer on Friday evening. She did tell me that the hangover is the number reason why she stays away from alcohol. Another thing that I told my wife was, that my plan to have a couple of beers on Christmas eve have changed, because I really don’t want to feel like shit the next day. The way that I’m looking at it is, that I’m just going to have dinner and chill at home. No drinking for me for a while. The way that I see is, that the older I get, the less I can tolerate a hangover. Which I think is a good thing.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Are My Adult Children OK?

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What up! What up! What up my homies and homettes! On a worried parent note! From time to time my wife makes me text or call our two adult children, because we haven’t seen them or heard from them for a while. The shit that really gets to me is, that 99.999% of the times, they think that we just want to know where they are and what they are doing. Hey look, I love them both to death, but to be honest with you and not for nothing, but I really don’t give a shit what they are doing or who they are doing it with. My daughter is 28 and my son is 24 and trust me, they know exactly what’s good and what’s bad and what’s right and what’s wrong. They also know the consequences of fucking up.

Because of my OCD, I naturally worry like crazy about them, even about my wife walking around the corner to the grocery store. But after years of talk therapy and crazy meds, not only am I not listening or believing my OCD as much as I used to, but I have also learned to let go. My wife? Well that’s another story, but I know exactly where she’s coming from, because my mother was just like her, when I was a teenager. I guess that the same way that I did, once they have their own kids, they’ll understand why my wife and I acted the way that we did.

As always, wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. I hope that you are enjoying it or have enjoyed it to the fullest.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

I’ve Been Pussy Whipped And I’m Loving It!

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What up! What up! What up my homies and homettes! On a pussy whipped note! The other day, my wife called me to let me know, that since our daughter and son usually go hangout with their friends after Christmas eve dinner, we will be heading on out to the local casino, with her mother and stepfather. I really didn’t want to go, because I don’t find any fun in gambling. But she did mentioned that I could enjoy the live entertainment, which I like because of the old school music, and she mentioned that I could have a couple of beers while I’m there. If you personally knew me, you would know that she didn’t have to say anything else after beers.

My point is, that some super-duper macho men with over inflated egos, might say that I have been pussy whipped, but that’s not the case at all. You see, since I don’t drink on a daily basis, my wife doesn’t mind me drinking on weekends since I’m off from the salt mine and I always do it at home, she just hates my binging. So what she’s telling me is, that it is OK for me to have a couple of beers on special occasions, but not every weekend. So if my wife taking care of me is being pussy whipped, then I guess I am, AND I’M LOVING IT! Whaahh-psssh!

As always, wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. I hope that you are enjoying it or have enjoyed it to the fullest.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!